A while ago I came to a point where I realized that I needed to shed some things – some beliefs, some people, and some habits. I needed to shed so I could be a different person – a more beautiful person. Yes, at 40-something I felt like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. I realized that for a very long time I had my identity tied up in what I did as a profession, to a lesser degree what I had accomplished or where I failed, where I had been, and the friends I had had in my life. Realizing I had to shed some things became a defining moment for me because I realized that all those things couldn’t really define me.
In a few days I will have reached 10 years living in Atlanta. 10 years ago I made the conscious and proactive decision to move here in hopes that I would make a comfortable, happy and successful life for myself. Success, I defined at that time, was a fantastic career, a loving family, a nice home, and a full and committed spiritual life which would provide me opportunities to be of service to others – all things most people would say are components of success. However, just about 6 months ago, realizing the 10 year mark was approaching, I began to assess whether I had made the right decision to move to Atlanta. Had I accomplished what I had set out to create for myself? Was I “successful” and had I been better off for making the move? I believed the answer was no. First, my career had been totally derailed due to layoffs and years of a tough economy. The relationship that held promise to produce the loving family with a great husband and beautiful children plummeted to the ground, crashed and burned due to unforeseen challenges. That event destroyed that particular chance of familial happiness and delayed the start of another. I am thankful to God that I do have a nice home. And, while I have opportunities to serve in the churches with which I have been associated, some of my more painful personal interactions have been with persons involved with places of worship. So, I began to seriously challenge myself to search for the right way to make adjustments in my life so that I didn’t spend another 10 years working towards my goals to only look back and not feel like I’d not been successful.
As with all of my prayers, God answers one way or another. In the process of my search, God began to change my thinking. He helped me see that I needed to think of and see myself the way God sees me. I needed to simply “be” who God made me to be. Though things may not look like I am who He says I am, I simply must believe it and walk in it and just be. A career or lack of a career does not define who I am – I might have a job today but not tomorrow. A family or lack of a family does not define who I am – I might be single today and married tomorrow. A church affiliation does not define who I am – I might worship at this church today and another tomorrow. I am simply who God made me to be.
I was driving home yesterday and noticed how overcast the sky was. There were lots and lots of clouds. I immediately thought of all the times I’ve been on a plane taking off from Atlanta’s airport on seemingly cold and dreary days like yesterday. Shortly after takeoff and once the plane travels high enough and through the clouds, the skies are generally blue and clear and the sun shines brightly with no more grey clouds in sight. The sun is there all the time, the beautiful skies are there all the time, although sometimes the clouds simply cover up the sun and we can’t see or experience it as easily. The weather and climate situation changes daily. So we may easily see the sun or not. But, the reality is that the blue skies and beaming sun are there each day. The sun doesn’t take a break. On yesterday, even though the low clouds cast a feeling of drudgery over the city, the sun was still there and it was still, in reality, a beautiful day! In the same way, I am who God made me to be regardless of the situations that arise that cloud the ability for me and for others to really see who I am. Regardless of how things may “seem”, there remains the reality of who I am.
I was driving home yesterday and noticed how overcast the sky was. There were lots and lots of clouds. I immediately thought of all the times I’ve been on a plane taking off from Atlanta’s airport on seemingly cold and dreary days like yesterday. Shortly after takeoff and once the plane travels high enough and through the clouds, the skies are generally blue and clear and the sun shines brightly with no more grey clouds in sight. The sun is there all the time, the beautiful skies are there all the time, although sometimes the clouds simply cover up the sun and we can’t see or experience it as easily. The weather and climate situation changes daily. So we may easily see the sun or not. But, the reality is that the blue skies and beaming sun are there each day. The sun doesn’t take a break. On yesterday, even though the low clouds cast a feeling of drudgery over the city, the sun was still there and it was still, in reality, a beautiful day! In the same way, I am who God made me to be regardless of the situations that arise that cloud the ability for me and for others to really see who I am. Regardless of how things may “seem”, there remains the reality of who I am.
So what does this have to do with my journey and getting to my destiny? Well, in embracing me, the true, authentic, essence of me, I had to let some things go. And, I am working on embracing and accepting concepts about me that are new to me while they are really not new at all. I am being transformed by the renewing of my mind so that I see myself as God sees me without the clouds of career, family, or any situation to define my reality. Who I am is bigger than any situation. But, mind renewal is a process and is the transition to which I refer. I’m letting go of the old perception (which can be difficult because it’s comfortable) and embracing the new perception of me (which can be difficult because it’s not so comfortable, at least at first). So, when I feel the tug of doing things or thinking of things the old way simply because that’s how I’ve always done it, I have to check myself. The process takes time. But at the end, regardless of the situation, I will continue to be who I was made to be. And that’s a peaceful and restful place.
Even before the cocoon, the caterpillar’s destiny is to be beautiful and fly – that’s a fact. I have to believe if I were able to talk to a young caterpillar it would have a vision and a sixth sense about how beautiful it would become and its ability to fly in spite of its current physical state of having no wings. I would imagine it would have had dreams about where it would fly and the flowers it would rest upon with no way imaginable of how it would happen just knowing it would. I can imagine the enthusiasm, assurance and faith in the fact that in its own time, it would have those wonderful experiences. Who has God created you to be? Have you embraced who He has made you? Do you dream about where He will take you in spite of where you are today? Recognize that by simply BEING the authentic you, not necessarily DOING any particular thing, you will transcend any situation that may suggest otherwise. The transformation process may take a while, but you can still enjoy the ride!
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