Have you ever heard the statement “a hit dog will holler”? Well, I must be the dog in that statement. At the moment I am struggling with a truth about myself. There is a situation that keeps coming up in my life over and over again. And, when it comes up I holler and scream out because it hurts. Sometimes I think the situation keeps coming up – with different characters and in different contexts, but the same basic situation – because I haven’t yet learned my lesson about it. Or, perhaps I am not responding to it in the right way, a Godly or Christian way. And, when I think about the words WWJD (what would Jesus do) I can’t think straight nor get quiet enough to figure out what he would do simply because I’m so hurt and rattled by the situation each time. It's frustrating because just when I think I've got the situation overcome, it arises up again and again. And, I don't know how I end up there each time.
It is a situation that causes hurt in me and leaves me feeling like I don’t really matter in that moment. I know I do matter, but when the situation comes up over and over again, I really question myself at times. I also feel a bit ashamed because part of me feels like I shouldn’t respond the way I do. I am a Godly woman. I am a woman who has faith who shouldn’t question my worth. But, a part of me feels like I have a real shortcoming and shallow place in myself that really isn’t very godly at all. So, I feel ashamed to even have these feelings even though they are real. And, because of this, I am not comfortable sharing the situation even though most people who read this may never know who I am.
The funny thing is before I fell asleep last night I was confronted, unexpectedly, with the situation. And, shortly after waking up this morning I was confronted with it again in a different context and with different characters. I don’t yet know how to deal with the issue in myself, so I pray about it and continue to wait for an answer. What I do realize, however, are two things. First, at the root of what seems to be a very unflattering aspect of my personality when triggered (at least in my mind it is unflattering), may in fact be some unmet need that is very, very important to me. If it were not so, I wouldn’t get so hurt and uncomfortable each time I experienced the situation. And, second, the scripture tells me “there is no condemnation in Christ”. So, even though I may have an ungodly response or an unflattering aspect of my personality, I am still God’s own and I am not condemned. I need to deal with it, but I’m not condemned because of it.
When I don’t know anything else to do, I seek my creator. He has all the answers. There is purpose, even in my shortcomings. The very shortcoming I have actually brings me closer to God – cuz, yes, I really want to learn how to overcome this thing or use the thing for some good. I’m going to have to get real close to God if I am to hear him in the midst of my hurt and I’m going to have to rely on him more than I typically do to provide for my unmet need that seemingly is so important to me.
So what does this have to do with my journey and getting to my destiny? Well, on any journey I find there are moments in my travels when I am not enjoying the ride, at all! Perhaps I take a wrong turn that gets me off the path and traveling in a circle over and over again. Well, given that I don’t know where I am or how I got there or why I got there, I need someone else to get me on the right path again. And, since my creator is only one who knows me and where I am headed and how to get there, I’d better stop and ask for directions on how to stop circling around this situation over and over again. Then, I can use the lesson to move forward towards my ultimate destiny.
What situation has got you stuck? What situation causes you hurt that you experience over and over again? Let’s each seek God for our answers as to what and why? Seek God so we can see what’s really going on inside of us and to hear the answers as to how to move beyond it. Once we do that we can all get back to enjoying the ride!
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