Recently, a friend of mine and I sat down to watch a movie. The movie is called Fireproof .The movie is about a couple who is experiencing trouble in their marriage. I assume that by the end of the movie there is revelation about how to Fireproof a marriage. I cannot say for certain what happens in the movie. First, I cannot tell you because you may want to check it out and I wouldn’t want to spoil it for you by giving away the story. Second, I cannot tell you because, honestly, my friend and I never made it to the end of the movie. So, I don’t know how it ends. About 1/3rd of the way through the movie my friend stormed out upset and hurt. Not actually a result I had expected!
Looking at it on the surface, I believe he got upset for a few reasons. First, because of something I said and did (or rather did not do). Second, because he didn’t really like the movie - he thought it was a “B” level movie (I thought it was good). Third, because he realized that we would never be anything more than friends. He did verbalize being upset and/or frustrated with himself for spending so many years pursuing a relationship with me that was never going to happen.
Now, before you think and scold me for “stringing this man along” or even ask why sit down to watch a movie about marriage with a guy with whom you are just friends, let me say this. He is an attractive guy who is a God fearing man who loves his kids and who is a great father. We have shared interests and we’ve been supportive of each other during difficult times in each of our lives. He’s not perfect, there are some things he needs to work on, but so do I. In fact, I probably have more to work on than he does. Why do I share this? I do like him. And, while I've always communicated my feelings about the extent of my feelings, I realized all his wonderful qualities and became open to the idea that one day I might feel the same way he does.
This day, he proceeded to say that he is angry for the time he has spent pursuing a relationship with me. And, if I think about it, he has focused on this anger for the past couple of years of our friendship. His feelings of “anger” is all he seems to focus on. We’ll go for a period of time when there is distance between us for his sake. But, when we talk again, the anger he has rears its ugly head and makes it difficult for us to have a pleasant and easy going, enjoyable friendship. In my opinion, rather than letting go of the past (what hasn’t turned out the way he would have hoped thus far) he focuses on the anger or frustration. This doesn’t allow us to enjoy the friendship that we have had for years and allow whatever to come out of the friendship to blossom naturally. Maybe that isn’t possible at all. I see that now, especially because his feelings are involved. In my opinion though, (and he’s certainly got his opinion too) he hasn't focused on the main thing.
Looking at it on the surface, I believe he got upset for a few reasons. First, because of something I said and did (or rather did not do). Second, because he didn’t really like the movie - he thought it was a “B” level movie (I thought it was good). Third, because he realized that we would never be anything more than friends. He did verbalize being upset and/or frustrated with himself for spending so many years pursuing a relationship with me that was never going to happen.
Now, before you think and scold me for “stringing this man along” or even ask why sit down to watch a movie about marriage with a guy with whom you are just friends, let me say this. He is an attractive guy who is a God fearing man who loves his kids and who is a great father. We have shared interests and we’ve been supportive of each other during difficult times in each of our lives. He’s not perfect, there are some things he needs to work on, but so do I. In fact, I probably have more to work on than he does. Why do I share this? I do like him. And, while I've always communicated my feelings about the extent of my feelings, I realized all his wonderful qualities and became open to the idea that one day I might feel the same way he does.
This day, he proceeded to say that he is angry for the time he has spent pursuing a relationship with me. And, if I think about it, he has focused on this anger for the past couple of years of our friendship. His feelings of “anger” is all he seems to focus on. We’ll go for a period of time when there is distance between us for his sake. But, when we talk again, the anger he has rears its ugly head and makes it difficult for us to have a pleasant and easy going, enjoyable friendship. In my opinion, rather than letting go of the past (what hasn’t turned out the way he would have hoped thus far) he focuses on the anger or frustration. This doesn’t allow us to enjoy the friendship that we have had for years and allow whatever to come out of the friendship to blossom naturally. Maybe that isn’t possible at all. I see that now, especially because his feelings are involved. In my opinion though, (and he’s certainly got his opinion too) he hasn't focused on the main thing.
He’s been distracted and has expended a great amount of energy focusing on anger caused by things he cannot control and events that occurred in the past. I believe that if he focused more on the main thing - the main thing being our friendship and mutually working on what makes it healthy and enjoyable and simply enjoying the time spent together - he might see a different result. Or, at least, he might feel differently and less angry about the same result. If I weren’t open to a relationship, would I actually sit down to watch a movie about marriage with him? Now that would be a bit insensitive. By the way, I’m not suggesting that there aren’t things that I could have done or can do differently. I acknowledge that. But, here is the point in this situation that has helped direct me on my journey.
Hoping that I don't sound judgmental, I recognize where he is because for years I found that I had done the same. In many areas of my life, I wasn’t making the main thing the main thing. For years I found myself focusing on things that I couldn’t control instead of what I could control. I focused on things that I couldn’t change about the past instead of learning lessons from the past and walking into a more informed future. The distraction did exactly what it was designed to do, it took my focus off of what was really important and made me emotional and angry (anger is expressed in many ways - a common way is depression). And, as long as I was angry and depressed, I wasn’t paying attention to the work I needed to do on me to be better – better at work and better in my relationships. Most importantly, as long as I was angry, I couldn’t focus on nor appreciate the precious moments that are God’s gifts that I could have been using to create memories to take into my future.
Who wants to look back on a road trip only remembering being in a car for hours? I don't know about you, but I’d rather recall seeing and experiencing all the lovely things God has created and allowed me to enjoy during the trip. Talk about living life abundantly! My prayer is that my friend and I and anyone looking for fulfillment will continually focus on the main things in life! The not-so-important distractions can be life stealers and moment snatchers! Is there anything distracting you and keeping you from making the main thing the main thing? Enjoy the ride!
No comments:
Post a Comment