All I Gotta Do Is Show Up... God Will Do The Rest!!

This weekend was a whirlwind. On Thursday evening at midnight, I got into my car and headed from Atlanta to Miami Beach, Florida only to turn around and drive back within 36 hours. It was an 11 hour drive both ways, a journey I dared not take on alone simply because of the duration of the drive and the reality that my 10 year old car is creeping up on 300K miles any day now and might not make it. So, a friend was kind enough to take the drive with me.

Having learned of the event just a few days before, we traveled to Miami Beach headed for a film festival that I was determined to be a part of. A creative person who loves to create and produce artistic expressions, I am interested in adding filmmaker to my list of creative can dos. And, with anything I do, I want to do it right. So I identified a couple of workshops that I wanted to attend at the festival, a screenwriter’s workshop and a panel discussion on how to Make Money in film. My two dilemmas were this: First, given that I wasn’t able to leave Atlanta until midnight, Thursday night, I risked not making it to Miami in enough time to attend the session that was scheduled to begin at 9am on Friday morning. Second, when I called the registration table before leaving Atlanta, there was one ticket left for the panel discussion on Making Money in Film and they would not allow me to purchase that ticket over the phone. This meant that I could potentially get to Miami and not be able to do the very things I wanted to do. But, armed in faith and determination I went anyway. And I’m happy that I did because I got great information and I met some great people. But, I had to show up to win!

So what does this has to do about getting to my destiny? It is about knowing the desires of your heart and being confident that they will happen even when it looks like otherwise. I drove all the way to Miami only to get to the festival venue by 1pm. The session was over. So, I went to the bar area of the hotel, ordered myself a fruity (virgin) drink to celebrate the end of the drive and the ability to exhale, and to do some writing/planning. Just as I was sitting, gentlemen came over to introduce himself. At this particular festival everyone talks to everyone because we are all there for the same reason. Anyway, he had attended the session and said that it was excellent. But, he also shared that everything the instructor shared was in his book and on his website. So, he gave me the information on where to find the website and the book. And, I was satisfied. I can now read and re-read the book and absorb the information at my own pace as opposed to having everything crammed into a couple of hours. Not to mention I met a new person in the field. I was happy.

The second session I was interested in attending began at 430pm. It was sold out. But I was determined to figure out how to get into the session. So, I called a friend who’s boss was on the panel. She told me that she’d try to get me in, but couldn’t promise. I presented to the person selling the tickets all of the wonderful reasons why he should simply let me into the session including that I had driven 11 hours just to see the session. But, to no avail. So, just before the session, I walked over to the waiting area to get a drink of water as I was parched from the hot, hot day in Miami. I began talking with a woman who was also getting water. We talked for about 15 minutes about her organization and what she had experienced while being at the festival. While we were talking, I noticed the line of folks beginning to move into the room where my desired session was being held. I asked her if she was planning to attend because folks were beginning to file into the room. She said yes and asked if I was going. I told her that I’d really wanted to go, but had been turned away because the venue was sold out. She said, “Here, take my partner’s pass! She wasn’t able to make it today, so you can use it and just give it back to me”. I’m sure you could hear me shouting wherever you were on that day? I shouted “Praise The Lord!! Hallelujah!!” I was a re-confirmed believer that God will make away for those desires of our hearts. But, we have to be willing to move forward in faith even when it looks like it will be all for nothing!!

What are you wanting to do that you think is impossible?! All I can say is move out! If you don’t you’ll miss some of the most exciting aspects of the journey!!

And Another One Down... Another One Bites The Dust!!

New revelation… I’m a sabotage-addict and ball wrecker! Ok so maybe it isn’t a new revelation but certainly a new understanding of the revelation. I woke up this morning and my life flashed in front of me. The scary part of my saying this is that there is an old folktale or belief that your life flashes in front of you if you’re having a near death experience. Perhaps in a metaphorical sense that’s precisely what I’m having – a near death experience. I’m barely living and this is a wake-up call to change, to repent, to allow God to change me so that I can experience life more fully and enjoy the desires of my heart.

What do I mean by saying I am a sabotage-addict and ball wrecker? It seems that I in some way sabotage every good thing that comes into my life. As I look back over my life in all areas of my life I seem to destroy or sabotage the very things I’ve desired to have in my life. I’ve done that with jobs, I’ve done that with relationships, I’ve done that with financial situations and other hobbies and interests. The same thing happens. I conceive it, I even see the concept begin to manifest in my life, and just before it becomes a reality somehow I manage to destroy its existence in my life. And, the ironic thing is that I typically sabotage things in the name of God or for what I believe is the “right” thing to do. This truth is very interesting as I consider my reality.

So what does this have to do with getting to my destiny? First, before I answer this question , let me say that for me this is probably the single most important thing so far that I have written about regarding my journey of getting to my destiny and the lessons I’m learning along the way. Now, to answer the question… I have discovered a pattern in my life around my wrecking activities. My wrecking seems to occur right at the point where I am likely to experience the most pain, period of discomfort, or point of feeling like I’m out of control. It is at this point that I really need to get quiet and hear God and be directed or led through the pain and discomfort and release control. Instead, I get frantic and crazed. I do this because I have realized something about myself and that is that I really, really do not like pain. I always consider pain as something I need to or MUST avoid. But a life without pain is not living. It is through pain that new things are birthed and wonderful new life is created. I see or rather understand that now. Perhaps if I look at pain that way I can embrace the concept of pain, knowing that I will get through it and be the better for it on the other side.

God, in helping me visualize this revelation gave me the image of a pregnant woman going through childbirth. A man and a woman who want a baby become pregnant and expect a child in 9 months. Unfortunately, they cannot control when the baby will get here unless of course the woman has a caesarian section. But, one thing is for sure, at delivery time – before, after, and during – the woman will experience some pain. It is inevitable. But on the other side of the pain is a new and changed life – their lives are never that same after the baby is delivered and the fulfillment of being a parent, I’m told, is something that is unmatched by no other experience.The only way to avoid the pain of childbirth is to abort the baby. And, even should one make the difficult choice of abortion, there is the pain and suffering the occurs with ending the life giving process which should have naturally occurred. Hmmm... I have aborted far too many babies in my life given this truth! I need to forgive myself and move forward.

I cannot change my past, but I can start living a new way today. Heck, I’ve been experiencing the pain of an unfulfilled life so I’m living the very thing of which I write. So, today I begin to look at pain in a new light. I will consider it the passageway through to fulfillment. Not saying that all pain is good, because abusive pain is absolutely not the pain of which I write. I write about the pain that comes from growth, from expansion, from birthing new realities in one’s life. So join me today in rejoicing in the positivity of pain. And, while you’re uncomfortable and a little achy, rub some spiritual ointment on to soothe the pain and enjoy the ride. Remember, no pain… no gain!!! I am finally realizing the magnitude of that statement!! Now let’s get right to making our dreams a reality – pain and all!

OMG Am I Going In Circles? I've Seen This Before!!!

I live in Atlanta! If you know anything about Atlanta, you know that one of the main highways in the city is Interstate 285. Interstate 285 is a highway that loops the city. If you’re traveling I285 you will literally drive around and around in a circle until you get off at an exit. You will never leave the Atlanta area if you drive the complete circumference of the circle. And, you will end up exactly where you started even though you’ve spent over an hour in the car. So, when traveling I285, it is important to know where you are going and what exit you need to use to get there so that you don’t waste unnecessary time in the car.

So what does this have to do with getting to my destiny? Well, I equate driving I285 to a particular aspect of my life. See if one never gets off at an exit, one will begin to see the same things over and over again. And, in my life there is a situation that I keep seeing over and over again. It's been recurring for the past 10 years but each time with different players. Hence, I have concluded, until I get the lesson in the situation, I will continue to revisit that same lesson over and over and over again, just like driving I285 without ever exiting.

The situation is this: I find myself in situations that are extreme blessings for me, but in the exact place where I am receiving the blessing I seem to experience my most significant pains. Because of the way I was raised, my philosophy in dealing with this situation for so many years has been to dig my heels in and persevere in spite of the pain. After all, there is a saying that “winners never quit and quitters never win” or “anything worth having is worth fighting for”. Living with this belief, one cannot help to be committed to do whatever is necessary to hold on to the blessing. But living with this philosophy has been very debilitating.

I had breakfast with a colleague early this week and she helped me to see a different perspective. And, now I have concluded that I have been looking at this situation all wrong. I had to ask myself, am I really happy and being blessed if I am experiencing the blessing in the midst of so much pain? Perhaps negative forces understand that to keep me in pain and in bondage there has to be something that I get out of it (some benefit), otherwise it would be a no brainer for me to exit the mess. I thought about the fact that when God calls us to do something, there may be a struggle, but God will lay out the vision of that thing up front, so we know what we’re getting into. Things that are not coming from God come in the form of packages that LOOK good but are not good for us. The pain in the struggle to do God’s will is a different kind of pain than that which comes from something that looks good but ends up not being as such. So, I’m letting go of my winner take all mentality!! I’m letting stuff go that challenges my emotional well being for the sake of holding on to something i think I want or need. Doing so is not healthy, is not good and is not from God. It’s taken my at least 10 years to get there, but better now than never.

So I’m happy I’ve gotten this lesson. I was finally able to get off of the proverbial highway loop and much, much closer to my destiny. My prayer and hope is that you are able to recognize when you’re on such a heavily traveled loop and that you’re able to find your way to the nearest exit soon.

Don't Talk Back! Just Listen and Do What I Say!!

It’s January 24, 2010 and I have not yet posted an entry to my blog in this new year. I find writing very therapeutic and at the present moment I’m really a bit angry, so I will write and by the end of the entry, I will hopefully have accomplished two things… an entry for the new year and hopefully a translation of some of the negative emotions I am feeling into positive energy for me and for someone else. So here we go:

I am angry with myself today for allowing a person back into my life who I know is not good for me. I am angry with myself for ignoring the voice inside of me saying "you’re really just fine, actually better, without this person. So, in this moment of missing what used to be or what could have been, don’t ruin your new beginning and a brand new wonderful level of happiness without this person by heading back in their direction." I heard myself loud and clear but for some reason ignored me.

Hmmm!! Why is that? Could it be lack of respect? If someone else gave me good advice that would be helpful, what would it mean if ignored them. Would it mean that I didn’t respect their point of view? Hmmmm!! I suppose so! Here I was giving myself perfectly good advice… and, I should I might add acknowledge that the voice was inspired by God… it was the God in me. So, guess what… it boils down to not respecting me and my own point of view and dare I say not respecting the God in me. I GOTTA fix that!

So, what does this have to do with getting to my destiny? Well first off… I must admit that I do not like to see other people being disrespected. I don’t like when I am disrespected by others. Disrespect does not promote healthy relationship. And, along life's journey that’s all you encounter -- relationships! We do not travel to our destination on our own. While we may be alone throughout the entire length of the journey, there are people who travel certain segments of the distance with us. Those relationships are necessary. And the healthier they are, the more enjoyable they are, the better they are to serve their purpose and the more fond memories that they create. Same with self… the more respect for oneself, the healthier the relationship with self, and the more confidence one has and the happier one will be along the journey.

So the next time I’m inspired, I will be quiet, not talk back, and listen to the voice inside of me. Respect myself to take heed and TRUST it! Besides, it’s there to serve and guide and protect me! ONLY me!! Why waist all that good sense… if I just listen and do what it says, my journey will be healthy, rich, and full of happiness! Join me in listening to and respecting self while we enjoy the ride!!