New revelation… I’m a sabotage-addict and ball wrecker! Ok so maybe it isn’t a new revelation but certainly a new understanding of the revelation. I woke up this morning and my life flashed in front of me. The scary part of my saying this is that there is an old folktale or belief that your life flashes in front of you if you’re having a near death experience. Perhaps in a metaphorical sense that’s precisely what I’m having – a near death experience. I’m barely living and this is a wake-up call to change, to repent, to allow God to change me so that I can experience life more fully and enjoy the desires of my heart.
What do I mean by saying I am a sabotage-addict and ball wrecker? It seems that I in some way sabotage every good thing that comes into my life. As I look back over my life in all areas of my life I seem to destroy or sabotage the very things I’ve desired to have in my life. I’ve done that with jobs, I’ve done that with relationships, I’ve done that with financial situations and other hobbies and interests. The same thing happens. I conceive it, I even see the concept begin to manifest in my life, and just before it becomes a reality somehow I manage to destroy its existence in my life. And, the ironic thing is that I typically sabotage things in the name of God or for what I believe is the “right” thing to do. This truth is very interesting as I consider my reality.
So what does this have to do with getting to my destiny? First, before I answer this question , let me say that for me this is probably the single most important thing so far that I have written about regarding my journey of getting to my destiny and the lessons I’m learning along the way. Now, to answer the question… I have discovered a pattern in my life around my wrecking activities. My wrecking seems to occur right at the point where I am likely to experience the most pain, period of discomfort, or point of feeling like I’m out of control. It is at this point that I really need to get quiet and hear God and be directed or led through the pain and discomfort and release control. Instead, I get frantic and crazed. I do this because I have realized something about myself and that is that I really, really do not like pain. I always consider pain as something I need to or MUST avoid. But a life without pain is not living. It is through pain that new things are birthed and wonderful new life is created. I see or rather understand that now. Perhaps if I look at pain that way I can embrace the concept of pain, knowing that I will get through it and be the better for it on the other side.
God, in helping me visualize this revelation gave me the image of a pregnant woman going through childbirth. A man and a woman who want a baby become pregnant and expect a child in 9 months. Unfortunately, they cannot control when the baby will get here unless of course the woman has a caesarian section. But, one thing is for sure, at delivery time – before, after, and during – the woman will experience some pain. It is inevitable. But on the other side of the pain is a new and changed life – their lives are never that same after the baby is delivered and the fulfillment of being a parent, I’m told, is something that is unmatched by no other experience.The only way to avoid the pain of childbirth is to abort the baby. And, even should one make the difficult choice of abortion, there is the pain and suffering the occurs with ending the life giving process which should have naturally occurred. Hmmm... I have aborted far too many babies in my life given this truth! I need to forgive myself and move forward.
I cannot change my past, but I can start living a new way today. Heck, I’ve been experiencing the pain of an unfulfilled life so I’m living the very thing of which I write. So, today I begin to look at pain in a new light. I will consider it the passageway through to fulfillment. Not saying that all pain is good, because abusive pain is absolutely not the pain of which I write. I write about the pain that comes from growth, from expansion, from birthing new realities in one’s life. So join me today in rejoicing in the positivity of pain. And, while you’re uncomfortable and a little achy, rub some spiritual ointment on to soothe the pain and enjoy the ride. Remember, no pain… no gain!!! I am finally realizing the magnitude of that statement!! Now let’s get right to making our dreams a reality – pain and all!
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